Monday, July 30, 2012

"What if I stumble, what if I fall?"

Sunday, January 22, 2012 at 8:31pm

Those of you who were born in the '80s and remember your childhood as the '90s plus will recognize those lyrics from a D.C. Talk song. Today I was musing my own version-What if I grumble and what if I bawl?
You see, it is easy to complain. In fact, with social media we are better able to bellyache about our life than we ever were before instant messenger (AOL/AIM-8th grade-1995). From texting to twitter, we share more about ourselves than sometimes our own family (living with us) is aware of. My husband will come across a "note" I wrote on Facebook or on my blog that only has two entries and ask me later, "You wrote a blog?"I am not a quiet, meek person. After 3 deliveries, my husband can attest to this. I have strived to be in some phases of my life, but I've realized that God wants to use me as I am-as He created me. Still, I yearn for the gentle and quiet spirit referenced in I Peter 3:5-6. I love to do public speaking, performing, and just talking to people. Lately I've wondered about my witness. Not a guilt trip, but a conscience check. Am I effective with my words and with my life? Or do I seem like everybody else?

Paul writes to the Philippians in Chapter 2, verses 14 and 15, "Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of everything. I'm not sure I've been doing that. Now, this is not a charge for us to do of our own doing. He also states in Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."Yes, that's it! That passage is longer and very wordy, so I recommend a newer translation such as New Living to clarify his thoughts. I don't want to complain. I have so much I'm thankful for! In fact, when I'm praying at night before bed, my thankful thoughts far outweigh my requests.Still, when I speak to others about my children, too much of me is self-reliant. I really think that God made me to handle the challenges of motherhood and then just left me to do it. Ha!Why is it so difficult for us to "know" in our head what to do and yet "not know what to do?!" Please pray with me on this journey that as I learn to yield control to Him, learn to rely on His strength for the challenges I daily face with two darling but strong-willed girls (and a still-sweet little infant girl). His grace is made sufficient in my weakness and that is why if I must grumble, I must grumble only to the one who can do something about it.

What is difficult for me is a breeze for others, and some things I can readily handle that leave others wiped out. Instead of focusing on the things that need fixing, my perspective needs to be "what is the purpose of today?" Why am I being given another day on this Earth? What can I do to highlight God's hand in this dark world? It should not be about Tammy, but about our most wonderful hope-at the end of 2012 or 2112 or 21,112, God will still be God. Gas prices raise and lower (mostly raise), and kingdoms rise and fall (always fall), and He was and is and is to come. In light of that, what does it matter if I can't control the social behavior of my children the way I think I should be able to? God didn't ask me to control them-He asked me to guide them to Him. After all, self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. The best I can do is model it myself and take time away when I'm losing control and let His Spirit refresh me.May you be encouraged on our journey together. I hope I'm lifting up someone else today with this-God has certainly been lifting me through the prayer and encouragement of friends. Thank you!

1 comment:

  1. How do.I subscribe to your blog?? Thanks for your comment earlier! I am losing weight slowly but surely. Iwould love to see pictures! I have been thinking about you a lot, love you! Miss u and it was great seeing you and your beautiful family!