After conversing with a friend last night, I felt prompted to write.
You see, we were discussing the challenges of balancing work and motherhood. Whether you work full-time, part-time, volunteer, or just go grocery shopping by yourself, there is constantly a part of you that feels guilty. As if you still aren't doing enough or being enough or something enough.
Enough already!
You see, it occurred to me that all of this "guilt" is unfounded. There is no freedom in guilt. There is a burden, a weariness, a heaviness, and a total exhaustion. You feel drained.
It's a lie.
If there is something you feel you've done in error or that you could have done better, it's okay to have a feeling of regret, but don't stay there! Don't focus on the things you cannot change. Can you change the events of yesterday, regardless of your desire to? No. Habits can change, however. New habits and processes can be followed and formed.
Guilt says, "God Ultimately Isn't Lord Today".
Lord is defined as "someone or something having power, authority, or influence: a master or ruler.
So, who has authority? The One who has removed our sins from us as far as the east is from the west? Or me?
Am I willing to accept that forgiveness that was debited into my account before I was ever created?
Or do I choose to linger in the ugly moment that has already passed by?
Do I want to change?
Or, do I enjoy the self-loathing and pity I am currently consuming and feeding on?
These are difficult questions. And temptation, contentment, those are wrestling against each other daily.
Find strength in promises. In truth. Find those truths that combat those ugly lies.
Who is enough for you?
Will looking like a size 2 celebrity bring you all the happiness you long for or will you still be obsessed with the high-maintenance you'd have to stay there?
Will you pass on that ugly body obsession to your daughters, nieces, granddaughters?
We tell each other that inner beauty is more important, but do we believe and practice that ourselves?
If you don't have the habits necessary to live with what you have, do you really think having "more" will change your habits or will you stretch beyond your means regardless of your means?
Many of my friends posted on Facebook that they were giving up something until Easter (for Lent). For this season, I have chosen to give up complaining. Instead, I'm embracing those challenges as more and more God is revealing the reason for those challenges-to change me. To develop a depth and beauty inside me that only He can bring about as he removes those ugly strongholds where I'm still trying to be the authority.
"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe." Philippians 2:14-15
This is the verse that motivated my goal. Will I be perfect in it? Maybe not, but I am going to do my best to use my voice to encourage and lift up and pray for others instead. There is enough negativity in the Facebook feeds without my exhausted contributions. When I am wiped out, I don't need to "vent", I need to be filled!
I would love to pray with you if there is an area in your life you're discovering has been a lie and you'd like prayer for. I have wrestled and continue to wrestle with the things I'm sharing here, so please know I will be compassionate and understanding. We are journeying together, dear friend!
~Tammy
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