Loneliness

It is a normal thing to experience loneliness from time to time.
You may wonder how a woman with three children at home could possibly feel lonely, but this is a frequent feeling for stay-at-home moms. Especially if their immediate family members are not close by.

There is a desire to interact socially with people who are not dependent on you-people that simply enjoy your company rather than needing your caretaking. You give each other energy with your very presence. A mutual understanding of life and all that we experience as humans.

So, I spent some time looking at my Facebook page and flipping through comments and other peoples' photos. I spent some time reading news articles.
Conclusion was: the computer held no satisfaction for me. Any "notifications" on my facebook page were like feeding cotton candy to a refugee who hasn't eaten in days. Brief joy followed by sincere disappointment and longing for something fulfilling.

I left the computer, did the dishes when the youngest was napping, and then while the older two watched a movie, I read a book that I'd been meaning to get back to. What a difference.

The book is titled "The Pursuit of God". I'd ordered it online after reading a couple chapters from a library copy. It's not a novel and it's not a quick read. Each chapter takes digestion, contemplation, and a good week to really comprehend and apply. So, chapter 3 was here and waiting for me.
A.W. Tozer wrote this book in the early half of the 20th century and his books are on the intellectual level of other authors like C.S. Lewis.

The words and thoughts as well as verses were food for my starving soul. This, this was what I had been missing! I was lonely, yes, but lonely for the Spirit of God. That He would reach out and touch me and bring life. Here is a short excerpt:
"Similarly, the presence of God is the central fact of Christianity. At the heart of the Christian message is God Himself waiting for His redeemed children to push in to conscious awareness of His presence." He then mentions Frederick Faber who wrote many songs and sermons. One was, "I love Thee, Lord, I know not how  My transports to control; Thy love is like a burning fire Within my very soul."
http://www.hymnary.org/text/i_love_thee_lord_and_know_not_how

The main theme in this book is to set aside our self-whatever it is that we think we're here to do, and instead just focus on God. What He has purposed us to be is a follower of Him. The tasks we complete are secondary to our purpose of just keeping our eyes on Him.

Even though I greatly enjoy the company of others and try to plan social interactions with other people and their children, there is something great and marvelous that I often miss if I'm planning my time away.
The girls will always remember Mommy and where she spent her free time. Was it at the computer? With her nose in a book? In the kitchen? Bent over picking up toys? Texting on my cell phone?
I hope that someday I'll be passing on a remembrance of a Mom who had a gentle, quiet spirit. A Mom who could take time just to be with her Savior, reading her Bible.

In the meantime, if I am feeling lonely, I don't think I'll be getting on the computer. God may be everywhere but that's not where I've been finding Him. :) And no, I don't think He's on Facebook right now.