Confession: there's something I'm not good at

I'm here to confess something that I'm not very good at.

Before I do that, you should realize that nobody likes to admit their weaknesses. In a society where we value "the survival of the fittest" and "natural selection", to admit weakness is to go in the very face of what we culturally know to be "right and true".

But, what really is 'right and true'?? The apostle Paul had many thoughts on this very subject. In fact, one of his more quoted passages regards his own inability to overcome.
2 Corinthians 12:8-10 (NLT) 
⁸ Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. ⁹ Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. ¹⁰ That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

So if Paul, one of the most respected Christian leaders to follow Christ, boasts of his weakness, then should we follow? God's not impressed with what WE can do as much as what we allow HIM to do through us.

Imagine attending a symphony. You're waiting for the music to start when you notice very peculiar things. The instruments are talking back to the musicians! The instruments try and try to make sound on their own-to no avail. Yet, they continue to try and disallow the musicians to work. Any accidental noises that occur are far from melodious.
Perhaps that was too preposterous for you. Here's another try: imagine a 6 year old getting into the driver's seat of your car. Though the child may be just long enough to reach the pedals by perching on the edge of the seat or by standing, the comprehension and reaction time necessary to navigate the roads safely is still developing. The child may know where the final destination is located, but cannot possibly travel alone, unharmed. You might know a safer way, you can consider ahead of time which route is shortest or predict what other drivers will be doing when they catch up to you.
Though you have been driving for a lot longer, this child still argues with you. "I'm not two anymore! I can tie my own shoes! I can read all the road signs now! I know the colors and I know that red is stop and green is go!" "This is the gas, this is the brake!"

In our search for importance, approval, significance, we long to show God what we can do. We want Him to be proud of us.

What is my weakness? I tend to distract from it, but I don't ask for help very well. The oldest of five very responsible children, I loved the praise I received for doing things on my own. Independence is valued very much in our culture, and is necessary if we are ever to live on our own, but there can be a pride involved where we block God's ability to do even MORE.

In a project environment, I know I'll do a good job. If I have a team, I hesitate to delegate, not wanting to burden others, or I get worried that somebody's poor performance will reflect on me. Group projects, I would usually end up doing most of it myself and we'd all receive the grade I wanted. In our hearts, God wants to get rid of the self-assured, self-centered, self-focused mini-god on our throne. He wants to be King. His approval, His words, His voice calming and reassuring us, that is what we need. That is why we feel so depressed, weary, tired, empty. Doing it alone is not what He ever intended for us.Philippians 4:13 (NCV)
 I can do all things through Christ, because he gives me strength.

So, I'll boast in this weakness-I'm an imperfect, prideful, stubborn little soul who longs to be perfected, humble and yielding to the leadership of He who is perfect forever and ever. And? He created me this way, and loves me unconditionally-whether or not I'm talking back that day. The more I know Him and spend time with Him, the more I let Him do things and watch and learn from His example.
Someday, I'll get it...and then I won't need to be here learning anymore. I'll be ready to go to Heaven and go do that which He created me to do! Until then, I'm here toiling away.

~Tammy

Scepter in hand

This weekend in church, our worship leader challenged us not to worship the words on the screen, but to actually worship God. As that was settling into my brain, we began singing the chorus of "How Great Thou Art" and the holiness of God collided with my universe. 


At the same moment, a clear picture came to me of Esther. She had to have courage to approach the King. Though she had been chosen by him, he had not commanded her to come before him. She was fearful but still she went before him, and he extended his scepter to her. She was welcome and he delighted in her presence.

 

God does not give us a summons, nor does He order us to approach His throne. We, like Esther, must step out and come before Him. We are painfully aware of His holiness and our sin, but He has extended His scepter, His grace, His one and only Son, Jesus Christ. All we have to do is approach and accept this wondrous gift. Were we to spend our lives without God, we would be summoned before His throne for a final judgment that deserve-an eternity apart from Him.

Yet, that is not His desire. He longs to refresh us and our weary souls daily! We are in a dry, thirsty, cursed land and easily become dehydrated. Much like our physical bodies will trick us into thinking we are hungry during dehydration, and we eat (often empty calories) food instead of drinking water, so our spiritual selves need living water. We are duped by the father of lies who tells us we are hungry for things of this world, then wonder why we feel dissatisfied after "eating our fill".

God's grace is a wonderful gift and learning to listen to His voice as He speaks truth into our hearts is a worthy goal that we can spend our lifetime pursuing!
~Tammy

picture courtesy:
1. Distant Shores Media/Sweet Publishing [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
2. José Manuel Suárez [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Lessons to be learned

God loves humans. He loves us infinitely. He understands our quirks, our whims, our impulsive decisions, and He loves us for them.

As a parent, I am very thankful that God is not human. Each of us have been given challenges in life to shape and mold us, either to wean us of the control that we tightly grasp onto in our lives (or the illusion of control) or perhaps to use us in the lives of others. It is given us to "Do everything without complaining or arguing" in Philippians 2:14. The NIV text translates "complaining" specifically as "grumbling".

Tonight I want to be allowed to grumble. A particular challenge in my job as a parent is still challenging me. It is something that perhaps is specially catered to me and my own quirks so that it will shape me as I walk through this with my daughter. On a list of things that I cannot control, this one is very high.
I will resist the urge to grumble and instead show you what I think God may be trying to show me.

My daughter is struggling in a matter of self-control and it is not something I can physically or verbally fix for her. There are no rewards or consequences I can present to her that can replace her own free will. In other words, I can do nothing about it.

I don't like that. Not a bit. If there is a problem, I'm the parent and I should be able to help her, and therefore be able to fix it.

God is actually being very generous with me. At the young age of five, He is already showing me that my oldest will not always make the best choices and that she and she alone will have to take responsibility to change. I can provide the best loving, caring environment possible, but I can't control her choices.

She knows I am displeased and I'm doing my best to restrain my tongue from lecturing her. What she needs is another chance, and another, until the day that she "gets it" and no longer has an issue. At issue in my own mind is this: Is it a conscious choice or is there a different underlying problem that I need to examine further?

God cannot force us to make choices, however beneficial to us, because He has given us free will. How I must frustrate Him sometimes! In all of this, He is lending me perspective so that just as I have been forgiven and embraced and loved unconditionally, I will, in turn, present that same forgiveness, embracing and love to others around me--especially my children.

If you have time, read Psalm 103. It really blessed me this morning and expounds on the mercy of God. I'm glad I read it before this evening. It was a fresh lesson in my mind, and though I have a far way to go, perhaps as a future grandmother, I will be able to share this lesson with my own children as they go through their own personal parenting trials.

~Tammy~