Rush: Five Minute Friday

It has been a crazy long time since I have participated in the linkup. (Blogger actually emailed me today to see if I still wanted to receive comment notifications on my blogs. That's a warning sign.)
The last FMF prompt I wrote on was May 6.
Since then, I have been down and am now back at level, working on getting back up.
God has been doing so much in me, carrying it on to completion and it's still a work in progress, but mostly He has been working out that word "Rest" that I received at last year's Five Minute Friday retreat.
As I prayed all summer about this year's oneword365 (google it. I do mine Sept-Aug instead of Jan-Dec), I had lots of ideas, but the consistent one was the word "All". As in "you can have it all" (google that song!), "I surrender all", and most recently, Jennifer Dukes Lee's book, "It's All Under Control".
Now that the back story has caught you up to date, it's time for this week's Five Minute Friday prompt and linkup.
Here's the link to Five Minute Friday.
The prompt this week is "Rush".

The first thing I thought of when I saw that prompt was the song "Breathe" that starts out really fast and then slows down on the Chorus. "Breathe, just breathe, Come and rest at my feet. And be, just be,
Chaos calls but all you really need is to just breathe." (Breathe, by Jonny Diaz)

I have been rushing so much. Rushing my kids out the door, constantly feeling the pressure of having to be somewhere on time has led to a high level of stress. Kids operate at a slower pace when they are in the primary grades. My oldest is usually ready on time and is entering middle school.
It's funny that I can't even remember what life was like when she was the one entering second grade and her youngest sister was still in preschool. That was my first year as a working mom.

Rapidly
Underappreciating
Sitting
Here




Martha was in a rush. Mary was not.
Somehow I crossed that line of "being busy means I am balanced and under control."
Instead, I'm overwhelmed by all the wonderful things I am doing for God, trying to make sure He really loves me.
Friends, that's not Jesus and that's not Grace. That's insecurity and Satan's spinning all the plates you're holding.
I am so encouraged to be reading "It's All Under Control." It officially releases September 18, but you can pre-order it now and get the first three chapters instantly in digital form. You also get a couple other freebies.
This book will help you to quiet yourself, to slow down, to have the "light and easy" yoke that He offers us instead of all the extra hitches we've put on ourselves.
If you're like me and tired of feeling the rush, maybe this book will also help you.

From "It's All Under Control" by Jennifer Dukes Lee

It's so great to be back with all of my Five Minute Friday friends! I've missed you and really needed to plug in this summer, but I was in a deep retreat, and it's finally time to surface again. :)

~Tammy

Adapt: Five Minute Friday

This week's prompt was Adapt. I wasn't sure if I'd chime in, but after my Sunday service, I'm all pumped up and excited to share with you!! Here's the Five Minute Friday link-up.

Life has been eventful as of late. It began a couple weeks ago with a students vs staff volleyball game. I'd had an iced blended "Dutch Freeze" from Dutch Brothers coffee and was feeling jittery and adrenaline rushed and I had shaky hands.

Two days later, I had some similar adrenaline rushing without physical activity. I began to have pain down my left tricep from shoulder to elbow, similar to a tetanus shot. Monday I was so in pain in my left upper back that I was unable to sleep well, and Tuesday's last minute chiropractic visit revealed a rib "out to China".
Tuesday evening, however, I was still just not myself and finally went in to the doctor (at 8pm that means ER).
My heart was okay, no heart attack, but my blood pressure was 148/104.
It remained high a week later when I had stopped taking my occasional sudafed and anything else suspect to causing this ailment.
I even went without coffee on Monday to give accuracy and my blood pressure was still 136/100.
So, I was put on blood pressure medicine.
Yesterday at Walmart, I didn't rest much before using their machine by the pharmacy, which gave me a pulse reading of 102, but my BP was 114/79. (My normal range again!)

During this ordeal, I was gifted with a chinese massage at a local place (before the follow up visit) and the verse John 14:27 was given to me.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."

I have also ruminated on John 14:1
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe in Me as well."

Since then, every verse with the word "heart" has leapt at me.

Today at church it was Psalm 27:14.
(Here are my doodles)

Break it apart.

Here's my adapted version.

"Eagerly anticipate the Lord; be steady, unwavering, and confident, have hope and be encouraged as you eagerly anticipate the Lord."
(Waiting is not a punishment like waiting in line.)

That's where I am at and the timer has gone off.

To conclude, I feel that God is just wrestling control from my hands again. :) In His loving, but commanding way, He is saying, "You can eat right and exercise and commit your energy to fitness, but you are not in control of your body and health. You need to trust me in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer, for better and for worse. (yes, marriage vows.)
Do I praise Him when I'm up AND when I'm down? Better yet, do I trust His plans over my own?

~Tammy


My anthem lately is "Tremble" by Mosaic. I'm sharing it again. The first lyric is "peace" and it's been a steadying one for me.

Other: Five Minute Friday

Three months? This is by far the longest FMF gap I've had. Here's the linkup to Five Minute Friday.
So, here we go on the prompt "other".


"What are your other interests?"
It seems like life wants us to narrow down who we are and what we do into a nice, neat package.
And yet, we resist this labeling.

"I am more!" we cry.


"I want more!" is our inner cry.


You see, what is that "other" interest, pursuit, keeping you from being wholly fulfilled to the core of your soul?


These challenging thoughts have been a very clear message to me lately from the Holy Spirit.


Am I living for myself? Or am I living for God and what He wants to do through me?


These convictions don't lead to shame or guilt, but a mindfulness and a sense of renewed purpose.


Do I want my life to be filled with Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control?
If so, then that person of the Holy Spirit needs to be my center.
The task list can wait and the emails are going to be there when I'm done, but I need to worship.


Worship is like breathing. If you're not experiencing worship, full, unabandoned daily worship, you are not taking care of your spirit. This can be different for many of us. Worship and music are intertwined for me, but I'm a musical creature and music is my love language. I LOVE to sing praises to God and play music for Him, and to worship with others as well.


Maybe it's reading your Bible quietly, maybe it's journaling, or creating artistic verse images.


Though the timer has rung, perhaps you've begun to hear that still small voice like I have.


Blessings, friends.


Love,
Tammy


This song has been stuck in my head for weeks, but I couldn't remember how it began. Every week at church I would hear the interlude in my head with the female vocals (and no words there). A friend of mine was able to find it for me, based on my "ah-ah-ah-ah" rendition of the interlude. :) Enjoy!

Intentional: Five Minute Friday

Five Minute Friday happens every week. We get a prompt Thursday night and go to our keys, sharing our words for five straight minutes and then we stop. We then share our meager fishes and loaves to edify and encourage and build community.

Tonight's word is intentional.
I don't even know what to write.
So, poetry for five minutes, unfettered.
Here we go:

Trembling
Quivering
Holding it back
Holding it in
Unwavering hope
Unyielding faith
And yet, pain.
Emptiness.
Loneliness.
Where are you?!
I know you're here.
I feel nothing.
I want everything.
I want you.
What are my intentions?
I am fully yours.
Wholly yours.
I want only your fulfilling love.
I am intentional.
I am waiting here for you,
and yet,
I cannot wait.
I cannot stand still
I cannot stand the silence.
Deafening
Rushing
Washing over me
Tumbling me like Ocean waves
Crashing
Overwhelming
Exhausted,
Panting from all my trying.
I struggle to keep my head up
as I bow down
What am I that you would love me?
What do you see that would stop the God of the Universe?
And yet, I am beautiful and wonderfully made.
The curve of my chin,
the sparkle in my eyes,
the crinkles at the edges of my mouth when I smile,
this stops you and you say it is very good.
Oh my God, I cry out to you!
Will you let me feel you tonight?
Will you draw me into your tangible presence?
I am needing you to be intentional.
Stop me.
Hold me.
Don't let me flutter around like a restless bird.
Still me
Quiet me
Let us be, just you and me, sitting here and let us breathe.
In.
Out.
You.
Me.
Forever.


~Tammy

We had an unusual sunspot rainbow that mirrored the other night, and I was fortunate enough to capture it with my cellphone while spending time outdoors with my girls. We took a walk and ate ice cream and enjoyed the rainbows.